Black Velvet and that little boy smile...

RECIPE TRANSMISSION: BLACK VELVET JAM
Source: Captain Tami, USS Homefront
Stardate: Berry Cycle 5067.1
Mission: Preserve joy during planetary unrest

Ingredients (decoded for Earth units):

• 5 lbs frozen blueberries (harvested from Galactic Costco quadrant)

• 3 cups sugar (refined stardust)

• 1 tsp cinnamon (from the forbidden spice moons)

• 1/4 tsp nutmeg (crushed asteroid of warmth)

• 2 tsp vanilla extract (standard issue for galactic seduction)

• 2 tbsp maple syrup (liquid gold from the Tree Elders of Sector Vermontia)

Instructions (compiled from ancestral coding):

1. Clean the galley. This is sacred ground.

2. Simmer blueberries in your cauldron of choice until they surrender their juice.

3. Mash them with the stellar core of a potato masher (or the heel of your battle boot).

4. Stir in sugar and all spice modules.

5. Boil for 12 minutes—exactly. Stir like your existence depends on it. (Spoiler: it does.)

6. Test for jammy set using the “cold saucer method” or your grandmother’s psychic instincts.

7. Ladle into sterilized containment jars and water-bath process if you plan to smuggle them off-world.

8. Cool. Label: BLACK VELVET—Approved by Elvis & the Galactic Council

9. Store. Eat. Gift. Use as bribe. Apply during planetary melancholy.

Serving Suggestion:
Pairs well with peanut butter, toast, yogurt, or interdimensional crises.